In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning

It's always at times like these that I suddenly want to write. To pour out my heart. It's also mainly at hours like these that I feel most depressed.

Sing happy songs, talk happy talk and you'll be happy, too.

You know what's the main component of unhappiness? Too much alone-time. Too many thoughts whirring in your head all at once. Too much rumination.

So get going, stop thinking. Start doing, start living.

Life's decisions are hard to make, life's blows and disappointments are hard to take. Especially for those who tend to replay incidents and analyze their lives again and again.

So what's the solution? Can anyone tell me? I know it in my head, yet I can't seem to put it in practice. My work decisions boggle me, they leave me restless and I sacrifice my sleep to think about it in order to reach an epiphany. The sad part is that epiphanies are hard to come by.

Yet I know, happiness is optional, count your blessings, crowd your mind to avoid worry... but how hard is that to practise if you're not pre-dispositioned that way?

I'm Floating

Wow this is weird. I just decided to take a look at the blog that I started but did not have the stamina or interest to continue, and it's still here, just floating in cyberspace. More likely than not, no one's ever gonna read it for real.

How cool is that? I can vent all I want, but no one will ever know. Yet I have it published to millions in the audience. An audience who would never be aware because I won't give anyone the site address. Anyone who knows me, that is. Actually, to anyone at all.

Well, thought I wanted to start a blog that is aimed at helping others like myself. People who are depressed, lack confidence or just struggling with life. I'll do it another day. Right now, it's 2:03 AM on a Thursday night and I am exhausted. Well, then again, of course I am not going to work tomorrow.

Work sucks. Not work in general, but my work sucks. I want to be a professional. I feel my intellectual capabilities are unmatched by my work requirements. I want to be a professional! I received a scholarship from school, was in the top 15% honour society in uni, am a member of MENSA. Yet what do I do for a living? Collect money. Gives me heartburn just thinking about it.

Alright, I will, WILL write more and do some good for this blog. Instead of just complaining I will write some good pieces which will hopefully inspire others. Because I know I have it somewhere in the recesses of my brain. But I don't want to be fake like the very many I know of. A blog is not supposed to transform your identity for the mass's approval, nor to elevate your ego. It should be what it was meant to be. A way to express your thoughts to the world, unpretentiously (is there such a word? I'm too tired to care) and truthfully. No matter what, truth always wins. Karma exists, it is the law of life.

I love to laugh. That's rather out of the blue, but I do. I LOVE to laugh. I love wit. I love bravery. I love the fearless zest for adventure some people just seem to be born with. People I never seem to come in contact with either because of the nature of my surroundings, or my very own personality.

Either ways, I'm too tired to think further. Will write more tomorrow.

Good night, unseen world. Good night to no one.